"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
