not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
