I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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