Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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