Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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