So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
