two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think my vagina is haunted
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
