dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize