If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
