Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
