Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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