sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
