Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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