you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
