I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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