She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
