I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Bring me that man meat
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
