I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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