she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
