Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I still have a little drunk in my system
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
