I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
