Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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