You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
