Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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