When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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