Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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