hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
