Your tits are I can't wait for
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
