How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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