So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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