Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
third nipple confirmed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
