rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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