Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Screwed.edu
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize