Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
