we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
