How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
