Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
