yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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