Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
