i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
