What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
