Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize