Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
