someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
