The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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