If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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