Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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