i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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