If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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