eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
