I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
