checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
