Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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