I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
