D3 body, D1 cock
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize