You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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