Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
