I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My breasts were aching with rage.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize