Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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