winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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