Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
