if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
