cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
