you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
