We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
