all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
