This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
