if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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