The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize