guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
