You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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