i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
