nut hugger
I faked an abortion last night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
