i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
