Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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