I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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