also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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