if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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