i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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