my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize