she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
