did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
