You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
