Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize