he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
