**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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