Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
