Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
