i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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