Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize