The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
