dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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