drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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