she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
