the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
please come you make the beer taste better
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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