exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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