He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize