Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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