I wish they made helmets for livers.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
