Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
