She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize