can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
