perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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