totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
