that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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