What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
