I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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